In the Middle: A Guided Visualization for Anxiety

I am sitting on my bed in the middle of the room. I have cleaned out my closet and taken down all my decorations. I’ve even emptied out the drawers; they’re still standing open. 

As I look around — at all the different shapes and sizes strewn all over the bed and around the floor, some sharp and some soft, picture frames and cardigans and hangers, I am completely overwhelmed. I don’t know where to begin.

My entire body tenses up, I start breathing rapidly, and tears come to my eyes as I feel like it’s all up to me to solve this, to figure out where everything goes, to decide what to keep and what to throw away. My eyebrows scrunch, and I can feel that anxious look come over my face as my breathing grows faster and heavier. I see myself through a fisheye lens, the room globified, the edges skewed, my aloneness magnified in the center, the air around me seeming so naked and empty. I feel vulnerable and exposed.

But then something shifts. The lens relaxes into a normal rectangle and slowly zooms in toward the bed as the coloring of the whole frame takes on a warm glow. 

I see myself seated on the same bed. The mess hasn’t changed, but I’m gazing around with wonder and joy. I look at one wall, then another, then inside the closet, then up at the ceiling, with a wide open smile, laughter, and bright eyes. My eyebrows are relaxed and playfully arched up a bit from the possibilities all around me. 

Where I once saw chaos, I now see shapes and colors. Not wreckage, but building blocks. I sense the nearness of Jesus as the Holy Spirit, the Divine Comforter, whirls around me in a glittering breeze, joyfully dancing around the room. I hear a giggle. Where I once felt emptiness, now there is a nurturing thickness to the air — a warm, golden glow.

“What can we make together?” I hear Holy Spirit whisper in a voice like a gentle brook. 

Making things is fun, after all.

Instead of disorder and overwhelm, I see possibilities. I see play. Heavenly Father is not giving me all these building blocks to test me and see if I’ll pick up the “right” thing first. He won’t punish me if I pick up the “wrong” thing. He won’t be ashamed of me, won’t belittle me or put me down, won’t walk out of the room in disgust or leave me to fend for myself. He’s excited to see what I might choose to pick up first. 

This “mess” all around me isn’t here to test me and see what I’m made of; it’s here because He delights in discovery. The Discovery Channel’s got nothing on His curiosity and wonder. 

He already knows me, yet He still delights in discovering me. And He loves when I discover myself. He loves bringing hidden things to light, because the light shows things for what they really are. Whatever I choose to pick up, I never have any fewer than three Partners helping me make something beautiful and magnificent out of it...helping me explore its possibilities, put it where it belongs, or get rid of it.

My eyes float to a coral picture frame on top of a pile of assorted objects on the floor, made of a papery-cardboard substance. I then see long strands of lace, with white flowers here and there on the strings. 

“What if we hang those strands from the picture frame? Then we could hang it on the wall or even from the ceiling as a kind of mobile. In fact, what if I grab teal and lavender picture frames too, and attach the lace strands to them, and we have a bunch of unique and beautiful creations hanging from the ceiling?” Mobiles don’t only belong in nurseries, after all. Adult eyes love looking up at beauty as they fall asleep too.

Suddenly, I see myself as a little toddler again, with Jesus and Holy Spirit playing with me on the floor and Papa lovingly keeping a watchful eye over the room. The floor is a mess, but no one cares because it’s playtime. And if I want to be reassured of Papa’s presence and protection, I can get up and run to Him, get a hug, and sit in His lap as He strokes my hair any time I want. I don’t have to worry about Jesus or Holy Spirit being resentful that I left them with the stuff on the floor. And once I’ve had a moment with Papa, I want to go back to playing with them anyway.

After sitting with Papa, I run back to the floor, where Jesus and Holy Spirit are putting on funny hats and laughing as they speak in accents and voices to match. Pirate. Peter Pan. The Pope (Jesus has a really good time with that one).

Our eyes land on a strong, sturdy, beautiful wooden frame that’s lying on the floor. It’s a perfect square and has a rich, deep brown color. Holy Spirit brings over a canvas and an easel, and we start painting a family portrait. All of us have crinkly eyes in the corners because there’s so much love in the picture. I’m being held by Jesus, and Papa has His arms wrapped around all of us in protection, warmth, and safety.

I know this picture needs to hang somewhere special, where I can always see it, so we hang it up to the side of the closet, facing my bed. When I wake up in the morning, I will first see the colorful, whimsical mobiles dancing and twirling in the air by the ceiling fan, and when I sit up, I will see that portrait on the wall and be reminded of my Family, of those who love me so much.

I end the day in Papa’s lap, the lights dim, all of us curled up together in the bed watching a movie and eating popcorn. There are still things scattered about on the ground, and there are even still clothes on the bed, which are now getting wrinkled because they have fluffy dogs piled on top of them, panting and looking at all of us with wide, adoring eyes. But it’s okay. Not one thing is a mess or even out of place, just something we’re saving to play and have fun with tomorrow. 

Tomorrow morning, we will have waffles. And I can have as much butter and syrup as I want. Plus, Papa will chop up strawberries and bananas, and there will be a bowl of powdered sugar close by. Have you ever had a peanut butter banana waffle? They’re really good. 

Oh, and Jesus really loves to go for early morning walks and pick wildflowers, so there will probably also be fresh flowers on the table, and one will be lovingly placed in my hair with a soft kiss.

Papa chuckles, a warm belly chuckle that I can feel vibrate through my whole body as I’m held against his chest. I fall asleep with the movie still playing. I will miss nothing. I can make up my own ending in my dreams, or Holy Spirit will tell me what happened tomorrow if I ask. And tomorrow, we will ask the same question: What do we want to make today?