Narcissistic Abuse
You couldn’t believe it. You’d finally found the one you’d been looking and waiting for. They were charming, self-deprecating in all the right ways, they seemed to be vulnerable and open, and they showered you with affection and praise and gifts. You were on Cloud 9. They paid you so much attention, were fascinated by all your stories, and seemed utterly amazed by who you are.
But then, something started to shift.
Their actions were no longer matching up with their words. You found yourself feeling sad and not quite knowing why. Promises started getting broken. You started feeling more and more isolated from other people who loved you. You longed to go back to the way things felt at first and kept desperately trying to figure out how.
Then, you were blindsided when they left. Like your world was shattered. You thought you’d just been going through a rough patch. All was confusion and chaos. You feel crazy—but then, were you really the crazy one? So many conflicting messages are coming at you from all directions. Loved ones who are unfamiliar with narcissism give you well-meaning advice, but really have no idea the hell you’ve just been through and are still going through. What was even real about the relationship? Do you really understand people, and know how to find “good ones,” at all?
It’s not you.
What is often so heartbreaking about narcissistic abuse is how familiar it is. You thought you’d finally found someone who was different, and ended up repeating the same old story. The most excruciating pain from your past, that you’d rather forget, is now back in the present.
People who find themselves in narcissistic relationships often have histories of being invalidated, gaslighted, and scapegoated by other important people in their lives. It’s not you. But it’s probably that you’ve never quite known what it’s like to feel safe in a relationship. You probably got really good at making others feel safe, when you desperately needed protection.
Narcissists are often attracted to incredibly intelligent, empathetic, dynamic, creative people with a lot going for them. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have anything for them to latch onto! They only left you because, at the end of the day, they were trying to do the impossible: take your power and claim it as their own. The very reasons they put you on a pedestal at the beginning were the same reasons they devalued and discarded you later. They tried to take from you until you felt dry, but they still couldn’t fill their emptiness. And they won’t ever be able to until, and unless, they do their own healing and growth—the very things you now find yourself embarking on at a whole new level.
All the traits you already possess mean you can make the changes you wish to make in your life through therapy. You are not doomed to repeat the same cycle over and over. You are not doomed to keep “attracting narcissists into your life.” There is hope. Together, we will identify the root issues and what is going on in your mind, emotions, and body that is causing the wrong kinds of people to feel safe, exciting, or attractive (and perhaps the right kinds of people to feel “boring”). We will identify strategies for not only recognizing red flags (let’s be honest, you could probably recite them to me), but helping your heart get on board with what these red flags actually mean. You’ll learn how to find and create healthy, safe, intimate, fun connection in an intimate relationship.
