Why Does Therapy Cost So Much?
One aspect of therapy that prevents many people from seeking it out is the cost. After more than 5 years of my own weekly therapy, I want to share a little bit about my own personal experiences with the costs, as well as why I think these fees are such an important part of loving, honoring, and protecting the client.
By this point, I have spent well over $10,000 on my own therapy. I have spent many more thousands on my bachelor’s degrees and master’s degrees, but the money I have spent on therapy is the best investment I have ever made. No contest.
You can have the best job. You can get all the fancy degrees and trainings in the world. But at the end of the day, all you steward on this earth is you. Your mind, your thoughts, your emotions, your body. And if you are not walking in healing and freedom, you won’t even be able to enjoy all the other blessings and gifts in your life. If you don’t even like you, if you don’t enjoy being you, if you’re not comfortable in your own skin, if you’re walking around in constant torment and emotional pain…what good are any other benefits in life?
Reshaping What’s Expensive
My philosophical shift that prepared me for the cost of therapy probably began years before, when I was struggling to heal from chronic mysterious physical illness after returning from living overseas. I had exhausted literally every option conventional Western medicine had to offer. The irony was that I was on a health insurance plan that literally covered 100% of everything, whether in the US or overseas (I know, how does that even exist?)
But this incredible health insurance plan was no good to me. I visited multiple conventional, allopathic doctors in multiple countries including the US, and they kept just throwing new medicines at the symptoms without ever investigating why the previous medicine they’d prescribed didn’t work, without ever looking below the surfac. I desperately needed a holistic perspective.
With the most amazing health insurance plan I’ve ever heard of, yet with an income no higher than a basic stipend because of my full-time ministry job, I had no choice but to pay full price, out of pocket, for “alternative” healing methods like acupuncture, chiropractic medicine, clinical nutrition (Nutrition Response Testing, to be precise, along with bottles upon bottles of expensive whole food supplements), tai chi, yoga, and a very strict diet which only included meats and vegetables. American health insurance will typically pay ZERO for these kinds of treatments.
But here’s the thing: At the end of the day, what’s really expensive? If you don’t have your health—spiritual, emotional, and physical—what do you have, really? If I never pursued my healing, if I just continued to suffer and perhaps shortened my health-span or even lifespan, would it have been worth saving the money? Of course not!
As I walked through that difficult journey of researching all these alternative treatments and frankly looking crazy to a lot of people, God continued to provide financially. Somehow I managed to at least break even every month, and sometimes even put some money back into savings, during that difficult year of ministry in the US after returning from overseas.
The main thing I want you to learn from my example is this: God honors our choices to heal. I am confident that the moment we tell Him, “Whatever it takes, I want to be well,” it is His joy and delight to provide for us to go on that journey.
My First Experiences with Therapy
I began my first master’s degree at a seminary on the heels of my physical healing journey, where I had a series of unhealthy dating relationships with men who were either in ministry or preparing for ministry. One breakup just about broke me. “Extinguished” was how I felt. Like my light had been snuffed out. But I felt like I was the crazy one because these guys were supposed to be the cream of the Christian crop, right?
I tried seeing a student counselor at the school. I remember her encouraging me to forgive, reading me Psalm 18, and telling me that “we live by faith, not feeling.”
What she said was not incorrect, but it was not what I needed. For example, I’d already been reading passages like Psalm 18, wondering why what I intellectually believed to be true about God and His justice, protection, and rescue wasn’t penetrating my heart, my inmost being. What I needed was someone to validate my experience and sit there with me in my deepest pain and anguish. I ended up doing my own research and discovering that my relationship had followed the classical cycle of narcissistic abuse, from “love bombing” to the inevitable devaluing and discarding. But none of the injustice was truly acknowledged.
My next experience with therapy was better. I’d started going to a new church that had its own therapy department. The therapist there didn’t invalidate my experience at all; in fact, he said he wasn’t the least bit surprised at my unhealthy dating experiences. “There are two kinds of people who go to seminary,” he remarked, “those who are truly called into ministry, and those who are deeply broken and desperately searching for some kind of meaning, purpose, or validation in life.” He said that, in fact, most of the people he saw at the therapy center were seminary students. Many were struggling with extremely difficult marital issues behind closed doors, while keeping the perfect family face when out in public.
I Thought I Was Fine. I’m Fine, Right?
I went to a few sessions with that therapist and felt better, so I quit. But then, the strangest thing started happening.
At this point, I was still working a secular job after graduating seminary because I wasn’t feeling ready to go back into full-time ministry yet. I’d be driving home from work, and these intrusive thoughts would come out of nowhere. Thoughts like “I don’t want to be here anymore” or “What if I just drove my car off the road into that tree?” I was alarmed. I started shouting things like, “I rebuke you in the name of Jesus!” But the thoughts continued.
Finally, I realized it was time to really “do therapy.” I had tried rebuking and casting out demons, and I realized these thoughts might be coming from somewhere inside me that I’d blocked off. I started asking friends for referrals, knocked on a few doors, and finally one opened. And so would begin the most beautiful, yet most challenging, painful journey I have yet undertaken in my life. And God provided for every bit of it.
He provided when I had a full-time job, but the insurance only covered a tiny bit. He provided when I was laid off and collecting unemployment while uninsured and paying full price. And He provided when I got a different full-time job with insurance that covered most of the therapy fee. Three different seasons, all covered by His grace.
Early on, my therapist remarked, “This work is the most rewarding work you will ever do. It is also the most difficult work you will ever do. And I have never known anyone to regret it.” Years later, I can verify the truth of those words. And I can’t begin to describe the peace, joy, love, and freedom I have reaped in my life as a result of walking straight into my deepest fears and doing this very painful work.
Great…So Again, Why Is Therapy So Expensive?
First, if you haven’t yet, I would encourage you to also read my other blog post The True Cost of Therapy. Now, without further ado, here’s why I think fees are vital to the overall process of therapy:
The fee protects the client.
Here’s what I mean by that. At various points in your healing, your therapist will wear the faces of the people who have caused you the deepest wounds in life. You will love your therapist one minute and get infuriated at them the next. They will say things that feel like a healing balm and others that seem to cut you to your core. Even though parts of you might be convinced, for example, that your therapist is your mom, she is in fact not. And paying money confirms this fact on an unconscious level, creating psychological safety by reminding the deepest parts of yourself that you are paying for a professional service.
At other points, it is really easy in this business to start acting like friends, for boundaries to get blurred, even for romantic attractions to develop. The things you will share with your therapist are likely things you have shared with almost no one else. You will likely never find another atmosphere where much-needed truth, that’s specific to you and your journey, is spoken in so much love. You may never feel as seen and known as you do in the therapy room. It is truly a sacred space, a Holy of Holies.
But at the end of the day, therapy is still a professional relationship. And the therapist must remain professional in order for the process to work and for the benefits to overflow into your “real” everyday life—into your family, your career, and all your other relationships.
2. The fee is a promise you are making to yourself.
Have you noticed how much more likely you are to study when you’re paying for a course? How much more likely you are to go to the gym when that monthly fee automatically comes out of your account, whether you go or not? And the more expensive that gym membership fee is, the more of an investment we’re making, the more likely we are to prioritize going.
If we are getting something for free or really cheap, especially something that’s difficult to do and that we don’t always feel like doing, we often are not committed. It is all too easy to skip out. Paying ensures that you keep your commitment to yourself.
A financial investment that’s high enough to be a bit uncomfortable or even a downright sacrifice helps ensure that you actually do the work. That you’re all in, present, and focused when you come in for therapy. Personally, I will not continue to work with a client who is consistently uninvested and unwilling to do the work, because I would be stealing from them.
3. The fee keeps the therapist honest and humble.
I am not God, even though I would so very much like to be. I am a needy human, just like everyone else.
I want my clients to thrive in every area of life. As they cultivate healthy relationships with God, self, and others, I want them to discover their identity and purpose, do work they love, and earn enough to feel abundant and overflowing with generosity toward others. I want them to learn the art of freely giving and freely receiving, to not live in codependence or independence but rather beautiful, life-giving interdependence. Why would I want anything different for myself? And why would I want to preach something I am not practicing?
One thing you will hear me say often is that I can’t take clients where I haven’t been. Why would I think I could be a faithful guide as you’re walking into your life of abundance, and why should you believe me if I tell you you are worthy of abundance, if I am not living in abundance myself? If I am not living as though I am worthy of doing work I love and earning enough to live a super-generous life? And when I’m trying to help clients acknowledge their own neediness, pointing people to God instead of serving themselves up on a silver platter, why would I deny my own neediness? Why would I serve myself up on a silver platter, as though I am the much-needed savior, when I am most definitely not and am in fact a very needy human just like my clients?
Therefore, I strive to set my rates at a level that is as affordable as possible, while simultaneously protecting the professional relationship, motivating clients to do the work and see fruit from their investment, and freeing me from worry about financial lack so I can focus wholeheartedly on the person in front of me.
The Best ROI I’ve Ever Seen
At the end of the day, with therapy, I believe the value you are getting is exponentially greater than what you are giving. That has been my experience. Were I to do it all over, I would spend the $10,000+ (and counting) again—with far more enthusiasm.
The return on investment not only impacts what we originally came in for, but it has an exponential, multiplicative effect within ourselves, our families, and our communities. It is the best ROI I have ever encountered in my entire life.
Is it costly? Absolutely.
But I truly believe it is a compounding investment—not only for everyone in your current sphere of influence, but for generations to come.
