What I Am Learning in January 2025
Life update:
What a bizarre series of events!
Around Christmas I started having leg pain and pain/numbness/tingling in my hands, especially fingertips.
New Year’s Eve: I woke up with terrible vertigo- never had it in my life! But basically could not stop throwing up even though I had nothing to throw up. When I closed my eyes the whole world was spinning. It took hours and a long nap for me to stabilize enough to go to the emergency room. They gave me saline and a prescription for vertigo medication.
January 2 was my last day in my full-time role at Seed Company. I had taken the previous two days off sick but still went in that day to get everything from my desk and turn all the equipment in. There weren’t a whole lot of people back in the office yet but I was able to say goodbye to those who were, and I had said goodbye to many others before the holidays.
January 4 was my “Launch Party” for my therapy practice. Connor cooked a delicious dinner and dessert and we were encouraged and prayed over by incredible people who have blessed me and believed in me along this journey.
January 6: I had planned to hit the ground running with my new therapy practice this week, emailing churches, taking flyers to coffee shops, furnishing the new office at C3 Fort Worth (where I am so excited to begin seeing clients in person on Tuesdays)! Instead, I went to the doctor because the leg pain got worse.
January 7: Got MRI on brain and sonogram on leg. Sonogram revealed a blood clot (deep vein thrombosis) going from thigh through foot. Felt scared but honestly also kinda validated at the same time and relieved to know what it was. Went back to the ER, and now I have a prescription for blood thinners and am waiting for calls from a hematologist and from a vascular surgeon to remove the clot. I have an appointment with a neurologist today and with an ENT next week.
This series of events reminds me:
how dependent I am on the Lord’s provision every single moment. HE KNEW we would be going through this right after leaving my full-time job (thank God I was able to switch to Connor’s health insurance) and He has not left us for one moment through all of this.
how little control I truly have. We might be healthy, hiking, living normal lives one minute, and then the next completely dependent on calls from doctors’ offices, then waiting once we get there for various attendants, being transferred from room to room, etc. The only thing I can control at the end of the day is my own responses to what life brings me (haha, and that’s on a good day!)
that God alone knows the times and the seasons. We may have our own plans, but God knows the purpose of each season and what lies ahead. I’m grateful that I have so many stones of remembrance, like how God provided for me during Covid, provided for the townhouse, provided for grad school, brought Connor into my life, took me to Seed Company at just the right time, etc., to encourage me as I wait to see how this season will play out.
Interdependence is a big word for me right now. I tend to want to veer toward either independence or codependence, whereas interdependence is the way of God, the way of the Kingdom, and yet it also asks for a lot of vulnerability, honesty, trust, and presence from us. The other two are frankly much easier, but they are not the way the Kingdom comes on earth. So during all this, I am striving not to give way to fear but to be fully present in every moment, aware of my connection with God and my connection with every person around me- not missing the gifts God has for me while I wait for answers and healing.
